I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
