Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
