i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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