Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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