I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You took a bar mat shot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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