I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
