sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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