Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
