Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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