handjob tips. give me some.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
