The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
