i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
