happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
