Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
