My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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