Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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