I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
