from now on my penis is your penis
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
