you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just made my gag reflex go away.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
