im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
