im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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