You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
