Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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