I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
