Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
