I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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