there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
