You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
