Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
