My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
