Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
a search helicopter?!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
