so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
there was a trapeze. enough said
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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