the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
