TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize