Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
