Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
