so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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