Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i dont even know how to be here
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize