i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
