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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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