I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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