I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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