We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
