Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
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