Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
