i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
