Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
