I just cut my nipple shaving
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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