Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
