He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
