Do you still have your period?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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