I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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