I feel like abortions should bother me more
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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