glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
even my farts smell like vagina
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
