i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
