the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
