Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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