you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
