Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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