what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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