Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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