Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
