Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
