my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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