This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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