P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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