i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
